Setting Boundaries: The Key to Co-Parenting Success

Co-parenting after divorce is never easy, and when the relationship is high-conflict, it can feel downright impossible. But through my own journey, I’ve learned one thing: boundaries are everything.

When I was married, I did everything for my ex—scheduling appointments, planning every party and trip, managing every little detail. It wasn’t just exhausting—it left me feeling invisible. The moment we divorced, I realized I didn’t have to do that anymore, and let me tell you—that freedom was life-changing.

But that freedom didn’t come without a fight. For almost three years since our divorce has been finalized, our co-parenting relationship has been filled with conflict. False accusations, personal attacks, and endless darts thrown my way. I’ve had to learn to navigate these waters by setting firm, clear boundaries—and sticking to them.

Here’s what I’ve discovered about boundaries and how they can transform your co-parenting relationship (and your peace of mind):

1. Understand Your Role—and What It’s Not

The first step to setting boundaries is recognizing what you owe your ex—and what you don’t.

Here’s what I remind myself:

• I am here to co-parent, not co-manage.

• I am responsible for my children’s well-being, not my ex’s responsibilities.

When my ex tries to involve me in tasks that aren’t my responsibility, I simply say, “I don’t do that for you anymore.” It’s a clear, simple statement that leaves no room for negotiation.

2. Keep Conversations Focused on Co-Parenting

One of the most freeing boundaries I set was this: “I will only discuss co-parenting issues with you.”

When conversations veer into attacks on my life, my husband, or anything unrelated to the kids, I refuse to engage. It’s powerful to know I don’t owe him a response. Instead, I focus on what matters—my children’s needs—and let the rest roll off my back.

3. Don’t Defend Yourself—Stick to the Facts

This one was hard for me. When accusations and attacks come your way, the natural reaction is to defend yourself. But defending yourself often fuels the fire and drags you into unnecessary conflict.

Here’s what works instead:

• Remove emotion. It’s tough, but essential.

• Stick to facts. Refer to your documents, the judge’s orders, or medical advice.

• Ask specific questions. Keep them focused on the children’s needs and avoid opening the door to irrelevant issues.

4. Document Boundary Violations

When boundaries are crossed, I try hard to not argue or retaliate. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me - but I'm working on it. What I always do though - I take notes. Documenting violations isn’t just practical—it helps you stay calm and focused, knowing you have a record if needed.

5. Protect Your Peace

One of the most empowering realizations I had was this: I don’t owe him anything beyond parenting our children. Not my time, not my energy, not my emotions. Every time I hold my boundaries, I reclaim a little more of my peace. And that’s a gift to myself and my kids.

Advice for Moms Struggling to Set Boundaries

• Start simple. Identify one boundary that will make the biggest difference, and start there.

• Remove emotion. Focus on facts and keep communication professional.

• Be consistent. Boundaries only work if you stick to them.

What’s Your Next Boundary?

Setting boundaries isn’t easy, especially in high-conflict situations. But I promise you—it’s worth it. Boundaries protect your peace, your energy, and your ability to show up as the best mom you can be.

I’d love to hear from you:

• What’s one boundary you’ve set that’s worked for you?

• Or, what’s one boundary you plan to set moving forward?

Let’s connect and support each other on this journey. Follow me on Instagram at @mrs_lindsay_g and share your story. You’re stronger than you think, and you don’t have to do this alone.