Setting Boundaries: The Key to Co-Parenting Success

Co-parenting after divorce is never easy, and when the relationship is high-conflict, it can feel downright impossible. But through my own journey, I’ve learned one thing: boundaries are everything.

Here’s what I’ve discovered about boundaries and how they can transform your co-parenting relationship (and your peace of mind):

1. Understand Your Role, and What It’s Not

The first step to setting boundaries is recognizing what you owe your ex—and what you don’t.

Here’s what I remind myself:

• I am here to co-parent, not co-manage.

• I am responsible for my children’s well-being, not my ex’s responsibilities.

If your ex tries to involve you in tasks that aren’t your responsibility, simply say, “I don’t do that for you anymore.” It’s a clear, simple statement that leaves no room for negotiation.

2. Keep Conversations Focused on Co-Parenting

One of the most freeing boundaries you can set is: “I will only discuss co-parenting issues with you.” When conversations veer into attacks on your life or anything unrelated to the kids, simply refuse to engage. It’s powerful to know you don’t owe him a response. Instead, focus on what matters, your children’s needs, and let the rest roll off your back.

3. Don’t Defend Yourself. Stick to the Facts

This one can be HARD. When accusations and attacks come your way, the natural reaction is to defend yourself. But defending yourself often fuels the fire and drags you into unnecessary conflict.

Here’s what works instead:

• Remove emotion. It’s tough, but essential.

• Stick to facts. Refer to your documents, the judge’s orders, or medical advice.

• Ask specific questions. Keep them focused on the children’s needs and avoid opening the door to irrelevant issues.

4. Document Boundary Violations

When boundaries are crossed, try hard to not argue or retaliate. Sometimes your emotions will get the best of you, but you are only human. What can you do? Take notes. Documenting violations isn’t just practical, it helps you stay calm and focused, knowing you have a record if needed.

5. Protect Your Peace

One of the most empowering realizations you can have is this: You don’t owe him anything beyond parenting your children. Not your time, not your energy, not your emotions. Every time you uphold your boundaries, you reclaim a little more of my peace. And that’s a gift to yourself and your kids.

Advice for Moms Struggling to Set Boundaries

• Start simple. Identify one boundary that will make the biggest difference, and start there.

• Remove emotion. Focus on facts and keep communication professional.

• Be consistent. Boundaries only work if you stick to them.

What’s Your Next Boundary?

Setting boundaries isn’t easy, especially in high-conflict situations. But I promise you, it’s worth it. Boundaries protect your peace, your energy, and your ability to show up as the best mom you can be.

I’d love to hear from you:

• What’s one boundary you’ve set that’s worked for you?

• Or, what’s one boundary you plan to set moving forward?

Let’s connect and support each other on this journey. Follow me on Instagram at @mrs_lindsay_g and share your story. You’re stronger than you think, and you don’t have to do this alone.